This month we aren’t trying, we’re just not, not trying.
I’m not going to obsess over every possible pregnancy symptom.
I’m not going to take an ovulation test or a pregnancy test.
And yet every period that turns up each month when you’re hoping for a baby, is just a tiny little stab straight to the heart.
Every period is met with tears, frustration and a bucket of hormones.
Every period feels insulting. There is a sense of failure, uncertainty and shame. What if it’s me? What if I can’t get us pregnant. My seven months of trying to conceive our first was hard, for me, but there are women who struggle for years, decades, or indefinitely, to bear children.
These women feel surrounded by fertile-easily impregnated women who say things like, “We got pregnant on the first try!”. Investing their time and money, sacrificingtheir bodies, reaching the depths of their emotions. Cursed with negative test after negative test after negative test.
Experiencing a metamorphosis from the inside out, holding their breath for nine months because surely it is too good to be true.
I won’t get my hopes up.
I’m not even going to think about it.
It’s all embedded into your thoughts.
All of this comes to a head the second a mother meets her child earth side. It is the climax of an extraordinarily challenging journey.